We Experienced No Peace for Forty Year

This story begins in a street on a rainy day. The camera has been set up near the gate of the house and Dr. Sharif, a colleague from the Afghanistan Human Rights and Democracy Organization, is getting closer to Kabal Shah. Although Kabal Shah walks with the aid of two metal canes, he throws a glance toward the camera and enters the premises of the house. With a slight delay, Dr. Sharif follows behind him into the house through the gate.

The following scene is of the two-story cement building with a set of blue-painted stairs that take Kabal Shan to the second floor. With no side railings on the stairway, Kabal Shah has no choice but to climb it. Using the skill of climbing those stairs every, he deftly climbs them. The sound of his metal canes hitting the stair steps can be heard from afar and for a few seconds, the face of Kabal Shah’s mother appears behind the door on the second floor. After that, a child rests his face by the door to look outside. The metal door hitting the wall lets a small echo and with a single glance at the camera, Kabal Shah enters the hallway.

The next footage is a close up of the face of Kabal Shah’s mother. She is an elderly woman who has the corner of her headscarf in her mouth with tears pooled at her eyes. She holds her sob back while looking at the camera and when she talks, it can be seen that she no longer has all of her teeth. The conversation starts and a little boy sitting beside Kabal Shah, probably aged seven or eight, laughs. Life in this household is in a strange contrast between sorrow and happiness. These recorded moments in the conversation show life swinging between sorrow and happiness. The mother is sat on the right with Kabal Shah in the middle and his son to his right. His other son, maybe a year or two older, is on the left-hand side.

During the conversation, the boys do not talk. The story is told by the mother sometimes but mostly by Kabal Shah. The connection between their words and sentences works like the bond between chains. Both speak of the same incident, but what creates a difference are the feelings which the narrators express through words and the entire conversation. They fill the room. This quality exists in different parts of stories in this book. In fact, there has been a conscious effort to reflect the atmosphere created by the conversations.

Narrator: Kabal Shah (Victim’s brother)

Victim: Adel Shah

Date of incident: April 22, 2017

Place of incident: Shah Shaheed area, Kabul City

My name is Kabal Shah. I am a resident in Shah Shaheed, Etifaq Mosque area. I am fifty-one years old. The victim was my brother. His name was Adel Shah. Our father’s name was Shireen Shah. My brother was 24-years-old. The incident? I will tell you the exact date and day, which was April 22, 2017. In Shash Darak area, in front of the kiosk printing shop, an explosion happened. It was eight in the morning and he was going to work when he became a martyr.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Abdulhaq Square, right?

Kabal Shah: No, after you pass Abdulhaq Square and turn the corner towards Shah Darak, there is a street which has a kiosk shop. Yes, [the explosion happened] across that shop. He used to work there. There was a shop there in ‘Nangarhar Say’ shop area, a barber’s shop. He was a student and worked there. He was going to his work that day.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: He was the breadwinner of our family. He (points to Kabal Shah) in this condition.

Kabal Shah: That is true but I also have a store of my own and I was sitting there when I heard a loud boom. I heard the explosion.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: We also heard the explosion.

Kabal Shah: After hearing the explosion, my younger brother came to the store and I told him, “You, Suleiman, quickly call Adel.” There has been an explosion, I told my brother. My brother quickly took his phone out and called his number. His number quickly started to ring and just as quickly, someone answered the phone. The person responsible for the morgue in Wazir Akbar Khan Hospital had Adel’s phone and answered, “the owner of this phone has died.” He said that right away, by God. After he said [Adel] had died, I was shocked and did not know what to make of it. We endured so much pain that year, you cannot even imagine. From our store, we went to Wazir Akbar Khan. We visited the morgue in the hospital. They opened a mortuary cabinet and after looking in, we saw Adel’s lifeless body. He was only 24-years-old and had not married. He was not even engaged.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: He was asleep here and I was praying. I called my other son, “Sulieman Jan! Get up for the prayer.” Adel asked me, “What time is it?” I told my son it was six in the morning. He was an early bird. He would wake up even earlier, that is why I did not wake him up. When he was leaving, I told him, “Son, you did not give me money. Give me fifty Afghanis..." We have gone through very bad experiences: two people died from land mines, seven people got buried under house rubble, and he (Kabal Shah) lost his leg in another land mine. Ten people in total. Besides Adel, I have lost four other sons. And along with these four sons, I have lost two daughters. Two of my daughters died back-to-back very young. My son was also young. I took care of widows; I took care of orphans.

Kabal Shah: Yes, we also lost them. Do not talk about them because this is getting recorded.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: No, it is okay. Around 15-16 people from our family... We have lost around 15-16... we are five or six hundred thousand in debt.

Kabal Shah: Yes, yes.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Just this morning – by God, if I had a wink of sleep the night before – oh God, I said, “You want this yourself but why are you saying at one in the morning that I...” I pray this in Tahajud prayer. Their father... those are his pictures. Listen, his children were this small when I started caring for them. I made a home for them and now they live in Nawabad.

Kabal Shah: Do not say these things because they are getting recorded in the video.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: It is alright.

Kabal Shah: It is not alright.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Let me vent my heartache to them so that I let out my pain.

Kabal Shah: I don’t know. Talk about some other pain, like that person and that...

Kabal Shah’s Mother: We took care of his elder brother’s widow for seven years. His elder brother also...

Kabal Shah: He died a natural death around seven years ago.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: He left young orphans behind; his widow behind after he died. His father also passed away from the grief of losing his son.

Kabal Shah: One year after that, we lost my other brother.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: One year after. I was praying in the morning and called my younger son named Sulieman and told him to get up. Adel woke up after that and I told him, “Come and have breakfast at home today.” He responded, “No, I will go because it is late.” I asked him, “Son, do you have money?” he gave me a fifty Afghani note and said, “I earned this.” He got half of the enringing at his place because even if he earned around five hundred, he would get 200-250 Afghanis at the end. He said that that money was kept in our safe. After his death, I asked Kabal Shah how much money was in the safe and he said around 200-300 Afghanis. It was the money which he had earned. After giving a fifty Afghani note, he left and said goodbye. May God ruin them [perpetrators], so they could feel what we, widows, and orphans feel.

Kabal Shah: After that, I went to the hospital. I called my other brother, relatives, and friends, and brought his body back home.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: I did not see his face.

Kabal Shah: You would not have been able to look at his face.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: That- (weeping)

Kabal Shah: I did not bring the body back home and took it directly to the mosque. I also brought his [empty] coffin from our yard because I thought my sisters and others were here.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: One of my daughters became paralyzed because of the pain of losing him. She will be taken to Pakistan for vaccination.

Kabal Shah: Yes, all because of grief. She is about forty-years-old and has a husband.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: She is in such a state that she needs to take fifteen vaccines and each cost six thousand, although she does not have much money.

Kabal Shah: They live in Khair Khana. They live really far from us.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: They live in Khair Khana but she is in that condition now because of the loss of my son.

Kabal Shah: Yes, then we brought his body to the mosque and with family, relatives, and other people, we buried him in the Shah Shaheed cemetery. By God, his behavior with mother, brother, and everyone else was good. He was good to everyone.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: In Shah Shaheed, he worked right here in Shah Shaheed. One or two [of my sons] could not find a livelihood here, so they decided to go to Macroyan.

Kabal Shah: Yes, they went to live in Macroyan Say. If I make an estimate, dear doctor, it was 1988-89. In the winter of that year, my brother and his son went out – it was when the Soviet forces had just left the north – where the soviet used to be. They were out and about to gather wood or other things, and take them home. However, they stepped on a land mine and died. No, my nephew was single as he was only fifteen-years-old. No, we do not have any pictures of them.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: It was during the Soviet occupation.

Kabal Shah: Forty days. Only forty days went by after that incident in 1988-89 when the three-story house that we had collapsed suddenly. It was winter when the house collapsed. Seven of our family members died in that house. My mother, my sister-in-law, and five of my brother’s children were under the rubble and died. The next year, I got injured and lost my leg on a land mine. Since that time, until around 2012, when my brother drove a taxi around Sarai Shamali and Shah Shaheed, he was well. But while driving, he got a stroke and collapsed.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: It was because of the grief of losing his children. He lost four daughters and three sons under that house.

Kabal Shah: That poor man also died like that inside his taxi. Just like my other brother who died from the explosion, I got a call from Jamhoriat Hospital, “Is Khak Shah your brother?” I responded with an affirmative and they told me, “Come then. He has passed away here in Jamhoriat Hospital.”

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Just look at all this pain, brother.

Kabal Shah: Then in 2013, I lost my father. After that, one of my sisters passed away. Then again, I lost another sister.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: All because of grief and sorrow.

Kabal Shah: Then, Adel, my brother also died in an explosion. These are the problems in life. It is like this all around the world.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: I do not care if the entirety of Afghanistan (unintelligible) I do not care about it.

Kabal Shah: Changes, you ask. Except worry, pain, sorrow, and my brother’s absence, there has been no significant change, you see. By God, one of my sisters became paralyzed because of the grief of his loss, you see. As for my mother, she spends day and night crying. And for me personally, I am grappling with the debt of the money I borrowed for my brother’s funeral, which I have not been able to pay to this day. I have paid a portion of it but the other part is remaining. God willing, I want to pay the rest. There are other changes too. Life is like that, after all. No, work is not going well these days. There is much less work these days. Currently, we are five brothers. Four of us live together and the other lives in Khair Khana.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: They live in a rented house. They are struggling economically.

Kabal Shah: We have a barber’s shop and that is our profession. We make 500, or 600, or 400 Afghanis a day. Work was good previously. Work went well. These days, there is not much work.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: God knows that since I lost my son, I do not have any money. Once the life situation gets bad, you will feel sorry looking at my children. My other son became the father of few children the past few years but we still have not been able to pay our debts. He is obligated to pay the debts until now. Around three hundred thousand or so is left to be paid off. The [debtor] came after him every hour for their money, every hour. My son, Adel, was a hard worker and he could bring a bit of bread and money. If he could not bring, we would sit hungry.

Kabal Shah: No, that has not happened.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: What has not?

Kabal Shah: For example, not having food to eat or other necessities. No, through God’s grace, it has not. Adel was my third brother.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Yes, third son, after Sulieman.

Kabal Shah: By God, everyone knows that those who are the enemy of humanity, enemy of the people, and enemy of religion do these kinds of things. [About the peace process] It is good if it happens. Look at us, for example, look at what happened to us. All the things that happened in the past, let it not be repeated from no one. May the generations after us live a peaceful life, you see. May they live a good life. And if they make an apology, that will also be very good. For example, if something happens, it is said that the Taliban were responsible. There has been enough war, it should end. It has been forty years. There is no other country which is in war more than five years, six years – ten years at most – but it has been forty years in Afghanistan. During these forty years, a solution should have been found.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: We never experienced a moment without sorrow, none. In forty years, we never had a moment without sorrow.

Kabal Shah: My mother is 65-years-old.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: I was fourteen-years-old when the war began. We are originally from Bagram but after the war started, we left that place and went there. We searched for 35 houses for rent, 35. There was a small house made of mud, which collapsed entirely. When our life had gotten a bit better, God took my son from me. I am no longer happy with my life.

Kabal Shah: We have many memories, a lot of memories. Among them, there are happy ones and sad ones. But my brother... I have one memory of him that I remembered last night. One day, I got upset with him and started beating him. While I was hitting him, he looked at me and said, “I do not get hurt.” He was athletic and used to play sports. He told me, “I will not get hurt, only your hands will get hurt. There is no use no matter how much you hit me.” This is one memory that comes to my mind 24/7. Another memory of him is when he was in the store with us though I was older. He was more muscular and athletic.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Yes, he had curly hair.

Kabal Shah: No, no. The one with curly hair is my other brother.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: No, [Adel] also had curly hair.

Kabal Shah: No, he did not let his hair grow that way.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Macho, he was very macho man.

Kabal Shah: No, no, he is still here. I have other memories of him, he was my brother after all. As for bad memories, no he did not have any bad behavior and was not disrespectful towards us. I do not have any such memories. Should they take his dombra?

Kabal Shah’s Mother: His toothbrushes, all of them.

Kabal Shah: Should they take his dombra?

Kabal Shah’s Mother: As you wish.

Kabal Shah: Rabia Balkhi? Yes.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: We still have his jacket

Kabal Shah: School? No, he only studied for a year or two because it was the time of war and revolution.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: So many people’s futures were destroyed.

Kabal Shah: All of us live in this house. This is my brother’s kid and those two kids belong to my other brother. About a month or a month and a half ago, this got broken. It fell on the ground at home. Is this picture of his alright?

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Go son and bring his jacket as well. His backpack was also with us. My son took his belongings around two or three days ago.

Kabal Shah: His shoes are not here

Kabal Shah’s Mother: His socks are not here but his shoes are

Kabal Shah: He was wearing those shoes on that day

Kabal Shah’s Mother: There are there

Kabal Shah: Let me tell you another story from that day. It has been recorded but, on that day, we brought his body back home. The driver of the ambulance was a very nice and kind man. He waited outside our home for a long time. From here, he took us to the mosque and waited there. He told us, “If you want to take the body any place else, I will take you. I am not going anywhere.” Because of that, I wanted to give him five hundred Afghanis but he insisted that he will not take it. However, Adel’s shoes were there and the driver asked that if I allow it, he wanted to take those shoes. So, he took the shoes.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: He had bought it recently.

Kabal Shah: People say that a car with a foreign national was passing through. As the car was passing through, the explosion happened.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Son, throw in his shoes there as well.

Kabal Shah: The person was sat in a Mercedes car when the explosion happened. God knows, maybe Adel had stuck his head out. As a result, his head, which was unprotected, bore all the injuries. No wallah, he did not have a Tazkira ID card. No, wallah, he did not have a...

Kabal Shah’s Mother: He had a school report card but I do not know where it got lost. Maybe it was left in the school during the revolution. Moving here and moving there. We had to move a lot. We went towards north, then went to another place from there. And another place after place, and had to take all three of them to school…

Kabal Shah: Go

Kabal Shah’s Mother: What for?

Kabal Shah: His [Adel] dombra.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: Not sure if the strings are working any longer or not. I had brought this from Taj Qurghan for him. I once went to Mazar and he asked me to bring a dombra for him. So, I brought this from Taj Qurghan for him.

Kabal Shah: He liked this dombra a lot.

Kabal Shah’s Mother: wallah as for myself, I was serving as a soldier in 1989 in Unit 25 of Khost Province. During my service, I got caught on a land mine and lost my leg. My leg was torn to pieces and I was taken to Charsad Bistar Hospital. However, my leg could not be saved in that hospital and the doctors told me they had to amputate it. Thus, my leg got cut off there.